Role of eye contact in attraction and romance

One of the major reasons why eyes are the most revealing and accurate communication tools is pupil dilation, a phenomenon that occurs unconsciously. Following are some of the situations in which our pupils dilate:
  • When we are in a dimly lit room, our pupils dilate so that the maximum amount of light enters the eyes and we are able to see properly.
  • When we are in a problem-solving mode or trying to make a decision, our pupils may dilate and when the dilation is maximum, we are likely to make a positive decision.
  • Anything that excites us dilates our pupils- be it seeing our crush or watching an interesting video clip. The purpose of dilation is the same, more light enters the eyes and we are better able to see that which excites us. On the contrary, if you’re staring at someone with constricted pupils, it means you have a hostile attitude towards that person.

Pupil dilation and romance


When we look at someone we are interested in, our pupils dilate. If they also happen to like us, their pupils will dilate too upon seeing us. When two people gaze at each other with dilated pupils it means the sparks of romance are flying between the two. Seeing pupil dilation in each other’s eyes makes a couple feel terrific because, at a deep unconscious level, we all know that pupil dilation is a sign of interest.

This is exactly the reason why romantic encounters are preferred in dimly lit surroundings. Less light forces the pupils of the couples to dilate, tricking them into thinking that they are interested in each other.


Pupil dilation, children and female attractiveness


The larger the eyes, the more the pupils will appear to dilate. Babies and young children usually have larger eyes than adults for a reason. Their pupils dilate constantly when they are in the presence of adults who find their delightful large eyes very appealing. So larger eyes mean larger pupil dilation which in turn means more love and attention from adults. More love and attention means more chance of survival. 

This is why most children’s toys and almost all children’s cartoons have over-sized eyes and pupils; they look more appealing that way.


If you’re a regular reader of this site, then you know that I’ve reiterated several times the fact that in order to appear attractive, women display submissiveness. Since children are the most submissive creatures, women often employ child-like behaviour to appear submissive.


Men are attracted to women with large eyes because large eyes reflect a child-like submissiveness. This is why women, in general, have larger eyes than men. Women wear eyeliners to make their eyes appear larger, darker and more distinguishable on the face. Babies naturally have curly eyebrows and adult women artificially curl their eyebrows to look more appealing. That large eyes are desirable in women is reflected in the fact that many best-selling dolls have exaggeratedly large eyes. 

large eyes dolls



One of the most attractive female eye contact gestures is lowering the head and looking up in a submissive manner, often accompanied by a smile, tilting of the head and neck exposure. You might notice women doing this gesture when they pose for photos. This eye contact gesture is also seen in children when they want to be taken care of.  


cute eyes



This eye contact gesture appeals to men not only because it conveys the child-like, submissive “take care of me” attitude but also because it makes the eyes appear slightly larger than their normal size. Try it yourself- look in the mirror and notice the size of your eyes while your head is in a neutral position. Now lower the head slightly while keeping your gaze fixed at your own eyes. You’ll notice that the size of your eyes increases slightly. 


The intimate gaze



When a man and a woman see each other for the first time, they unconsciously look for the physical characteristics that they are seeking in an ideal partner. This results in what is known as the ‘intimate gaze’. This gaze consists of looking at the eyes first, then below the chin and finally scanning the lower parts of the body.


If you give this gaze to someone and they return it, then it means they’re interested in you, at least interested enough to size you up.


A funny thing about this exchange of intimate gaze is that it is often the men who are caught ogling women when, in fact, it is the women size up men more often. The reason why this happens is that men have a ‘tunnel vision’ that forces them to kind of turn their heads wherever they look. Therefore, they move their gaze up and down a woman’s body in a very obvious way.


Women, on the other hand, have a wider-ranging ‘peripheral vision’. They don’t need to turn their head to look into the far corners of their visual field. It means that a woman will have checked out your entire body even your shoes and the color of your socks, while you swear that she was looking only at your face during the entire conversation!
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