A person is considered selfish when they prioritize their own needs at the expense of others, or when they harm others for personal gain. Not helping someone, even though it would cost you little, is also a strong sign of self-centeredness. Interestingly, selfish individuals can sometimes be unaware of their selfishness.
In their minds, they may be saints, but their behavior tells a different story. It’s almost as if their minds hide their self-centeredness from them. Because it would be too ego-deflating to admit your self-interest. Hence, self-awareness and mindfulness can be critical in reducing the levels of selfishness, as the default, automatic mode in humans is often to be selfish.1Raine, A., & Uh, S. (2019). The selfishness questionnaire: Egocentric, adaptive, and pathological forms of selfishness. Journal of Personality Assessment.
The more reciprocity there is in a relationship, the more likely you are to commit selfless of high personal costs.
Test
Disclaimer: This quiz is intended solely for informational purposes and should not be used as a diagnostic tool.
You show high empathy, accountability, and consideration for others. You meet your own needs without disregarding the needs of those around you. You likely have healthy boundaries and value fairness and cooperation.
You may tend to prioritize self-interest in certain situations, especially when under stress or pressure. While not overtly selfish, your actions might occasionally overlook others' needs. With some awareness and empathy, you can grow into a more balanced version of yourself.
Your behavior reveals a consistent pattern of prioritizing your own needs, even when it may come at the expense of others. You might justify your actions as self-preservation, but this can strain relationships and limit trust. Exploring the reasons behind this pattern can lead to healthier connections.
You regularly prioritize your own goals, comfort, and success at the expense of others. This level of selfishness can ruin relationships, isolate you, lead to long-term dissatisfaction, and negatively impact your overall well-being. It might be helpful to reflect on whether this mindset is serving you and what it’s costing you.
The paradox
Paradoxically, humans are wired to be both self-centered and selfless. As is evident in the world around us, selfishness often prevails when it comes into conflict with selflessness. This suggests that humans have a stronger drive to be self-centered than to be cooperative. They’re cooperative only to the extent that it serves their self-interest.2Gerbasi, M. E., & Prentice, D. A. (2013). The self-and other-interest inventory. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105(3), 495.
Humans will often only help others if, by doing that, they can help themselves. Such reciprocal dynamics (‘I scratch your back and you scratch mine’) are a dominant feature of human relationships.
The downside
Some degree of selfishness is normal.3Diebels, K. J., Leary, M. R., & Chon, D. (2018). Individual differences in selfishness as a major dimension of personality: A reinterpretation of the sixth personality factor. Review of General Psychology, 22(4), 367-376. The problem with moderate and high levels of selfishness is that it can lead one to harm others for personal gain. Also, self-centeredness gets in the way of thinking in a win-win manner. Pure selfishness is win-lose thinking. Often, thinking in terms of win-win can ultimately help us gain more than thinking in terms of win-lose.
A selfish person who doesn’t help others can’t expect any favors from them. A self-centered person who harms others through lying, deceiving, and stealing gets punished by a society whose fabric is held together by cooperation.
References
- 1Raine, A., & Uh, S. (2019). The selfishness questionnaire: Egocentric, adaptive, and pathological forms of selfishness. Journal of Personality Assessment.
- 2Gerbasi, M. E., & Prentice, D. A. (2013). The self-and other-interest inventory. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105(3), 495.
- 3Diebels, K. J., Leary, M. R., & Chon, D. (2018). Individual differences in selfishness as a major dimension of personality: A reinterpretation of the sixth personality factor. Review of General Psychology, 22(4), 367-376.
