Psychology of honour killings


This article explores the psychology of honour killings- killings in which a family kills one of their own for bringing ‘shame’ and ‘dishonour’ to the family.

Mostly, it’s the young women (with 23 being the worldwide average age) who’re the victims of honour killings and this practice, though more common in some cultures compared to others, is universally reported.

Honour killings are an evolutionary puzzle

Why would a family that invests so much in the nurturing and raising of its own female young resort to killing her for the seemingly abstract concept of ‘honour’?

Families evolved to better the chances of survival and reproduction of the family members so it makes no sense to kill someone that’s closely related to you genetically. 

Like infanticide, many people have found it hard to wrap their heads around the phenomenon of honour killings and have ended up blaming culture or a lack of education. But since honour killings are not culture-specific, the issue seems to run deeper.

Qandeel Baloch
Qandeel Baloch (age 26) was killed by her own brother in 2016. According to her mother, the killer brother was being taunted by his friends over Qandeel bringing dishonour to their family.

Suppression of female sexuality gone too far

Let’s first look at how exactly do women who’re victims of honour killings bring ‘shame’ and ‘dishonour’ to their families?

The reasons why women are killed for ‘honour’ are many, ranging from falling in love with a person whom their families didn’t approve of to being victims of rape. All the reasons, however, can be broadly grouped under one head- sexual impropriety.

When women are perceived to behave in sexually improper ways they’re accused of destroying the family’s honour, which then leads to honour killings.

Honour killing, therefore, is a way that families use to restore their honour. They send a clear message to their community that they do not approve of such behaviour.

Honour killings are basically suppression of female sexuality gone too far. In my article about the suppression of female sexuality, I discussed how this suppression is mostly an attempt by women to increase the exchange value of female sexuality.

Long story short, it’s in the reproductive interests of women to suppress female sexuality because it’s more valued than male sexuality. If women offer sex more freely, then the value the average women gets out of it will be low. Hence the need to suppress or restrict it to increases its value.

Though it’s usually men who commit the actual gruesome act of killing, honour killings are essentially a family conspiracy with the active involvement of women.

In the words of Phyllis Chesler, who has studied the topic of honour killings comprehensively, “Women play a very active role in honour-based femicide, both by spreading the gossip underlying such murders and by acting as conspirator accomplices in the honour killings of female relatives.”

Family before the family member

The important question that needs answering at this point is, “Why do ‘dishonoured’ families feel the need to ‘restore their honour’?”

The short answer is: To ensure their survival and reproductive success.

Our ancestors relied heavily on their communities for their survival and reproductive success. That’s why we have psychological mechanisms that make us seek the approval of our peers and stay in their good books, especially in the good books of those who have a lot to offer us (think of a subordinate flattering a superior in a corporate setting).

So, when a family loses its ‘honour’, it loses more than just honour. The family member who dishonours the family threatens the survival and reproductive success of the entire family by her sexually improper behaviour.

The dishonoured family risks being ostracized by their community. Parents, especially in the collectivist third-world cultures, don’t prefer marrying their sons and daughters into dishonourable families.

So if a woman brings dishonour to her family, she threatens the reproductive success of her siblings and cousins. So she becomes a sort of a threat to the entire family.

Therefore, the family decides it’s better to do away with one family member who has the potential to ruin the chances of reproduction of the entire family.

This is why you’ll almost never hear of honour killing happening in the family of only one child. If the only child in the family is honour-killed, there will be no one to carry forward the parent’s genes to the succeeding generations. 

So, while the grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins may approve of killing the only child, the direct parents will be strongly opposed to it. The reproductive costs for them would be too high in such a case.

But when the parents have more than one child, offing one who dishonours the family ensures that the others can successfully pass on the family’s genes. So they have no trouble killing someone they spent so much time and resources on because the reproductive benefits committing the act are higher overall.