You rarely come across someone who does not want to be mentally strong. Personality or mental strength means having certain personality traits that facilitate the achievement of goals.1Kerry, N., & Murray, D. R. (2018). Strong personalities: Investigating the relationships between grip strength, self-perceived formidability, and Big Five personality traits. Personality and Individual Differences, 131, 216-221. For humans, like other animals, the goals are typically resources, food, and mates.
Given this, having a strong personality translates into possessing traits that enable one to achieve goals. This naturally leads to influence, as those who consistently reach their goals can inspire or guide others to do the same.
Someone with a strong personality has a desired outcome in mind. They likely also know what beliefs and convictions will lead them to it and may have already charted a path to follow. Once they embark on their mission, they’re not easily swayed by their own human weaknesses, others’ opinions, and difficult circumstances. That’s the core of what makes a person strong.
The test
This self-assessment will score your personality strength on the following dimensions:
- Self-direction: Choosing your own path and following it with conviction
- Self-regulation: Not letting your emotions and feelings get in the way
- Integrity: Being who you say you are
- Assertiveness: Standing up for yourself
Disclaimer: This quiz is for informational and self-reflection purposes only. It is not a diagnostic tool. If you’re experiencing distress or have concerns about your mental health, consult a licensed mental health professional.
Category-level interpretation
| Dimension | High score | Low score |
|---|---|---|
| Self-direction | Relying on internal validation | Relying on external validation |
| Self-regulation | Emotional stability | Emotional instability |
| Integrity | Maintaining values | Compromising values |
| Assertiveness | Healthy boundaries | People-pleasing |
Is being strong good or bad?
Pick any great, strong historical figure admired by a large group of people and study them deeply. You’ll soon find that they had a dark side. It’s rare to find a strong person who isn’t dominating, controlling, aggressive, or arrogant. Unhealthy strength.
Unhealthy strength is usually trauma-driven toughness rooted in early life experiences where a person felt weak. They were severely disadvantaged and are now overcompensating. Overcompensation is rarely healthy and often tramples other people, many times bringing disadvantages to oneself as well.
In contrast, healthy strength is secure strength that is not based on fixing the past. Instead, it’s based purely on one’s desire to reach their potential. It’s forward-looking, not past-fixing or past-avenging. It’s not dominating or controlling. It lacks the desire to trample others. It’s confidence plus emotional intelligence.
You can be forward-looking and past-fixing at the same time. Nothing wrong with acknowledging your motivation comes from a dark place as long as it manifests in healthy ways.
Risks of being strong
Life is a competition. When you are strong, others see you as a strong competitor. They’re intimidated by you, and there’s a good chance they dislike, resent, or even hate you. They may try to bring you down in overt or covert ways. They can’t be friends with you or cooperate with you because in their minds, helping you equals hurting themselves. Hence, it’s useful to think about the contexts in which your strong personality may rub others the wrong way.
Of course, not being strong is not an option. It drops your self-worth and self-esteem, putting you at risk for suicidal attempts.2Yang, M., Tyrer, P., & Tyrer, H. (2022). The recording of personality strengths: An analysis of the impact of positive personality features on the long‐term outcome of common mental disorders. Personality and Mental Health, 16(2), 120-129. What you can do is tone it down a bit with friends and family with whom you want to be in cooperation rather than competition mode. Things like avoiding bragging too much can help.
There’s also a risk that you become domineering, aggressive, and arrogant. After all, it’s hard not to think you’re better than others when you, in fact, are. Try to recalibrate that thinking by reminding yourself that people have different definitions of success and different values. You may be better than someone in one or two ways, while they may be better than you in multiple other ways you care about or don’t care about.
