‘Is my partner controlling?’ Quiz


Power dynamics are a natural part of every relationship, especially romantic relationships. For a relationship to work, both parties should be able to share power equally.

Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. When one person steps on the rights and needs of the other in an attempt to meet their own needs, the relationship becomes unequal in power.

The partner who seeks more power in the relationship seeks to control the other partner. They expect only their needs to be prioritized in the relationship. As a result, they incur significant costs on their partner.

A controlling partner seeks control over your:

  • Thoughts
  • Feelings
  • Behaviors

Intent matters

Differentiating controlling from non-controlling behavior can be tricky. After all, people live in their own worlds– their own bubbles. For instance, what you see as controlling behavior may be seen as caring behavior by your partner.

Open communication in a relationship and a genuine willingness to explore intent can solve many relationship problems.

It isn’t easy to understand intent because you can’t fit a camera in your partner’s head. Nonetheless, some behaviors increase the probability that someone is controlling if they occur repeatedly.

Taking the ‘Controlling partner’ test

This test consists of 20 items on a 4-point scale ranging from Always to Never. As mentioned earlier, the frequency of these behaviors can indicate whether they’re controlling. If there’s a power imbalance in the relationship, it will rear its ugly head repeatedly.

Your results are only shown to you and not stored in our database.

'Is my partner controlling?' Quiz

1. The decisions in our relationship are made by my partner.

2. I walk on eggshells around my partner.

3. My partner gaslights me.

4. They verbally control me by ignoring or dismissing what I say.

5. They blame me for everything.

6. They don't like it when I spend time with my family and friends.

7. They don't acknowledge my needs and emotions.

8. They use threats and ultimatums to get their way.

9. They don't apologize for their mistakes.

10. They pressure me into doing things I'm not comfortable with.

11. They make decisions for me without consulting me.

12. They monitor my whereabouts and activities.

13. They prevent me from gaining financial independence.

14. They make me feel responsible for their emotions and actions.

15. They criticize my appearance, behavior, values, and decisions.

16. They react with anger and hostility when I challenge their authority.

17. They give and withhold attention and affection according to how well I'm complying with their wishes.

18. They make unreasonable demands of me.

19. They consistently disregard my boundaries.

20. They try to change my personality.