While it’s normal to feel upset when things don’t go your way, some people tend to get upset easily and often. Their feelings of upset and irritation seem disproportionate to the situation. If you suspect you’re like that, then know that this doesn’t mean you’re defective or a bad person. While some people are naturally more emotionally reactive, we all go through phases when our emotional resilience is lower than usual.
Causes
Temporary lowering of emotional threshold
When we’re feeling good or neutral, things tend not to upset us so easily. But if we are stressed, emotionally exhausted, and burnt out, our emotional reserves are depleted, and we’re prone to getting upset over little things. Lack of sleep1Simon, E. B., Vallat, R., Barnes, C. M., & Walker, M. P. (2020). Sleep loss and the socio-emotional brain. Trends in cognitive sciences, 24(6), 435-450., hunger, and hormonal factors can also contribute to such a lowered threshold for emotional reactivity. So, if you suspect that lately you’ve been getting upset too easily, this is the first possibility I’d rule out.
Permanent lowering
Some people are genetically more emotionally reactive than others.2Koenigsberg, H. W. (2010). Affective instability: toward an integration of neuroscience and psychological perspectives. Journal of personality disorders, 24(1), 60-82. Such a temperament is observed in them since an early age.3Malik, F., & Marwaha, R. (2018). Developmental stages of social emotional development in children. Those scoring high on Neuroticism or Negative Affectivity are prone to feeling negative emotions. While Neuroticism is likely genetic, environmental factors can also contribute to such tendencies. For instance, growing up around family members with neurotic behavior can turn it into a habitual emotional pattern that one never got a chance to unlearn.
Unique triggers
In the previous two sections, I assumed emotional reactivity across events. But, more realistically, the things that easily upset you are likely to be unique to you. How come the same event hardly has an impact on others but is very upsetting to you? You have to look at what you make that event mean to you. If you get triggered by certain events, it’s likely that there’s some trauma or pain linked to that event for you. So it’s worth paying attention to your unique triggers because they can reveal a lot about your unique psychological make-up.
I asked people what made them easily upset on social media and got different answers from different people. One person said feeling unheard got her upset easily. Another said that he got upset when people talked over him in a conversation. Of course, no one likes being unheard or talked over. These are things that would upset anyone. Yet, there are some of us who are more easily upset by some of these upsetting things. The individual differences in this regard are very interesting.
Coping
First, it’s perfectly normal to feel easily upset over a small thing. But no matter how bad you’re feeling, you can still control your emotional response. You can still choose not to upset others because you’re feeling upset. No one has to know what’s going on inside of you. Unless you trust them and want to share in a healthy way.
Second, there’s no point in feeling guilt or shame about how you feel. The people you see having no trouble handling this situation that’s bothering you probably have other triggers you don’t know about. Like you, they’re human.
Lastly, if you’re not a generally sensitive person, why did this event upset you so easily? It’s worth digging into that. Has the same event bothered you in the past as well? You may uncover key psychological wounds that require healing. Once you heal those wounds, you’re unlikely to get easily upset by what easily upsets you now.
