We don’t hear the word “hyper-independence” often in everyday conversations. Is it even possible to be too independent for your own good?
It is.
“Excess of everything is bad”, the saying goes. It applies to everything in life, including a seemingly positive trait like independence.
Hyper-independence is over-reliance on oneself to the point where it has negative consequences.
Being self-reliant is a good thing but taken to the extreme, it starts having significant negative consequences, especially on relationships.
We’re social species, and we rely on others for our well-being. Mutual dependency is the glue that holds relationships together. When you become too independent, your relationships naturally suffer. When your relationships suffer, your well-being suffers.
Like codependent relationships, relationships with one or more hyper-independent people tend to be unhealthy. In secure relationships, there’s interdependence- a healthy balance between independence and dependence.
Hyper-independence and childhood trauma
What makes someone fiercely independent?
Usually, it’s childhood trauma.
When a child’s emotional and other needs are unmet, the child learns to rely on itself to meet them. Essentially, childhood neglect puts a person into a quasi-permanent ‘survival mode’.
People who have hyper-independence trauma believe that others can’t be relied on. They have developed a psychological mechanism that protects them from future harm and betrayal.
Hyper-independence is the main trait of the dismissive avoidant attachment style- an insecure attachment style.
Taking the Hyper-independence trauma test
This test consists of 20 items on a 5-point scale ranging from Strongly agree to Strongly disagree. Your results will only be visible to you, and we don’t store them in our database.
