Attachment styles test: Discover your style

Attachment theory is one of the most robust and well-established theories in psychology. It states that our early childhood experiences with our primary caregivers, usually parents, shape how we view ourselves and others.¹ It creates a ‘relationship blueprint’ for us that we tend to follow as adults. Hence, your attachment style can explain much of how you think and behave in close relationships.

Scales used

This test is based on the following validated scales:

The quiz

Disclaimer: This quiz is intended for educational and self-reflection purposes only and is not a diagnostic or clinical assessment. Your results provide an estimate of your attachment patterns based on your responses. Most people show characteristics of more than one attachment style, and these patterns can change over time through new experiences, healthy relationships, and personal growth.

Attachment style test

Think of one person you have a close relationship with, such as a romantic partner, family member, or close friend. If you can't think of one person, think about how you typically behave in that type of relationship. Answer each question based on your usual, long-term patterns, not on temporary feelings or recent events.

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YOUR TOTAL POINTS

Interpretation: The 4 Styles

1. Dismissive Avoidant (DA)

A DA is an independent and self-sufficient person who views relationships as unimportant. They have low connection needs and are unmotivated to invest time and energy into relationships. DAs tend to have a positive view of themselves and a negative view of others. They’re poor at expressing their needs and feelings to others, and if they do, they feel like they’re burdening others.

DAs tend to avoid intimacy at all costs and will likely end a relationship or distance others to avoid closeness. They focus most of their time and attention on work, hobbies, and self-improvement—things that don’t involve other people.

Related: Introduction to Attachment Theory

2. Fearful Avoidant (FA)

An FA wants and fears connection at the same time. They’ll initially be charming, likable, present, and invested in someone, but as soon as the relationship gets close, they feel the urge to pull away. This ‘hot-and-cold’ behavior can be confusing to others. FAs view themselves and others negatively. They have difficulty trusting others and fear rejection.

Those in close relationships with FAs often find themselves emotionally hooked to the relationship because of the intermittent reinforcement pattern created by the hot and cold behavior.

3. Anxious Preoccupied

An AP has high connection and low independence needs. They are overinvested in relationships, as they derive their sense of identity and self-worth mainly from them- from external validation and approval. APs tend to be social extroverts with good communication skills- the ‘life of the party’ types.

They have a hard time being alone. So they tend to appear needy and clingy in relationships. They’re the people who’ll call or text you all day and consider it normal. They tend to view themselves negatively and others positively.

4. Secure

Secures have balanced needs for connection and independence. They want connection, but not as intensely as an AP. They want independence, but not as intensely as a DA. This is healthy interdependence: being comfortable relying on others while allowing others to rely on them, within reasonable limits. They tend to view themselves and others positively.

Secures tend to be easygoing and friendly in social interactions. They express their needs and feelings openly. They’re unlikely to experience serious relationship issues. But note that having a predominantly secure attachment style does not make you immune to relationship problems. It can definitely improve your relationships, but it’s not a magic pill that solves all your relationship issues, because conflicting attachment styles aren’t the only source of friction in relationships.

Can these styles change?

Attachment styles typically get formed in childhood and tend to endure in adulthood. That’s the general pattern. But they can change if you have significant emotional experiences in close relationships that upend your earlier internal working models or scripts for relationships.⁵

Ultimately, your attachment style is a chunk of your identity, and a major chunk at that. Human identity is dynamic, and any experience involving a major life transition or role-shifting has the potential to change your attachment style. Life transitions such as graduating, getting married, having kids, or retiring.

Lastly, if you have an insecure attachment style (DA/FA/AP), you can heal it when you come to terms with and process your experiences: when you understand and forgive your primary caregivers.

On average, though, people whose attachment styles change after a significant emotional experience revert to their prior attachment styles.⁶ But few do experience lasting changes. Continue working on yourself and, if required, seek professional help.

References

1
Belsky, J. (2002). Developmental origins of attachment styles. Attachment & human development, 4(2), 166-170.
2
Jahan, A., & Imtiaz, N. (2016). Measure of attachment style. International Journal of Indian Psychology, 3(4).
3
Collins, N. L., & Read, S. J. (1990). Adult attachment, working models, and relationship quality in dating couples. Journal of personality and social psychology, 58(4), 644.
4
Fraley, R. C., Waller, N. G., & Brennan, K. A. (2000). An item response theory analysis of self-report measures of adult attachment. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(2), 350.
5
Bifulco, A. (2002). Attachment style measurement: A clinical and epidemiological perspective. Attachment & Human Development, 4(2), 180-188.
6
Fraley, R. C., Gillath, O., & Deboeck, P. R. (2021). Do life events lead to enduring changes in adult attachment styles? A naturalistic longitudinal investigation. Journal of personality and social psychology, 120(6), 1567.